Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
