Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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