I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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