You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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