if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize