you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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