This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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