I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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