I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize