i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
