So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
