I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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