I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
