I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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