The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
