i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
