so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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