I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
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