I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
