It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Boobs are out for the taking
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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