does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
