I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
