I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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