i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He told me they were just razor bumps!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
