she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
