You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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