There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
