I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I will die if light touches me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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