wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
