Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
