We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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