there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
