i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
