Pregnant stripper...not hot.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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