you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
