so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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