I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Too much gin, very little bucket
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
