She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Randomize
