I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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