pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
