Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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