every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
