I heard we made out
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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