im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
