take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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