covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
