It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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