My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
