dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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