Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
