I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
