my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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