Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
