woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize