i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's Friday. Sex?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
