feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
