I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
