i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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