since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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