She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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