she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
