i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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