Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
