"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
