I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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