two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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