you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
