The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
