It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize