i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
