no, he came in my armpit
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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