dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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