I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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