thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is it penis luge time yet?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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