I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
