i don't like sucking hair
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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