just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
