We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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