A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
