# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize