I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
